Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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