But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
