Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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