my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i drank out of a bidet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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