My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
