Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
