I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
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