yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
