im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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