I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I supernannyed him into submission
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
