i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
