Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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