I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
