and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
