We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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