The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
