youre lurking in front of me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
