Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
