i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
