You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
