her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
