Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They took my balls.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
A+ Viking dick
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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