it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
