6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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