John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
