she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
