so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
