i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
