I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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