fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
