so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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