Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
