anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
