I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
