I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
