you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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