The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
