By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
