I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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