can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Shame - the story of my life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
