im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
