So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
