just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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