im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
