friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it's like iHOP with fire
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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