so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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