God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
