New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There r osticjed everywhere
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
