Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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