you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
