Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
